This question scares me to no end.
You see, the thing is, I've never been on an actual first date.
There have been crushes and feelings and unclear lines,
But there have been no dates.
And long story short, after college, I got on Tinder, OKCupid, and Plenty of Fish.
I had one guy that I talked to for two months but there was no date. I had people ask me out on dates and for one reason or another, I found something very reasonable that I could say no to. I had people ask for other things without even asking for a date.
I don't know how to do this.
Literally, dating does not make any sense to me. I don't understand why I am supposed to impress someone with my hair and the way my body curves and the way that I crack jokes and what I do with my time.
But even though I don't understand that and it literally drains my soul of its energy, I know that I at least have to attempt to survive in the dating world.
So, I swipe right on Tinder. I get a match and then a message.
And we talk a little.... and then he asks the question...
Wanna go out sometime?
I panic. His bio was ok. He was kinda cute. He didn't say anything that made me want to run away in his messages. I couldn't come up with a good reason to say no. So I did what all girls do when it comes to boys, I consulted my girls.... and they all said what I was secretly hoping they wouldn't: "Marilyn, you need to go". So I hyperventilated in my bathroom for an hour and finally gave him an answer of yes.
I set rules because I still need some sort of control over this and I still barely know this guy
1, We meet in public
2. We meet there
3, No alcohol
4. No sex or "going back to someone's place"
He agreed. I was kinda nervous. Kinda excited. Super proud of myself.
He asked me out on Monday.
We snapchatted on Tuesday.
Our date was on Wednesday.
And let's just say it was the worst two hours, ever.
We had interesting conversation at some points, but to be honest, I became really invested in the World Series on the TV in the restaurant....and I can't stand baseball.
Just a quick list of why it was bad:
1. He kept booping me on the nose (even after telling him no MULTIPLE times)
2. He kept throwing straw wrappers at me
3. He casually threw out some really heavy things about his life without even addressing them
4. He picked up my drink and tried to put the straw in my mouth
5. Every other word was a curse word
6. He wore a cat shirt... the same shirt as from Snapchat the night before
7. He kept asking questions that I genuinely didn't have answers to and would say "that's bull, that's just a cop-out"
8. He self-proclaimed himself as a gentleman and his actions were not close to that
9. He said he liked curvy girls because he feels like he's crushing skinny girls when he sleeps with them...which was definitely an awkward moment because I didn't really ask.
10. He would choose Iron Man over Captain America and that's a major deal breaker
And those are just some of the reasons why I couldn't wait to get home... but obviously, number 10 was the most important.
He asked me the next day if he was getting a second date. I kindly rejected and then he said "Why? I would be a good guy for you. I didn't even say anything sexual. Wish I knew this before I paid."
First of all, don't ever tell me what's good for me unless you're a trusted confidant. That's a very quick way for me to never speak to you again. Second, he did say weird sexual things that were unnecessary and out of place. Third, I said I didn't know if there was going to be a second date a thousand times and he still chose to pay, not my fault. And to think that I owe you anything because you paid for my food (and he ate half of it)...NO BUDDY, I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING.
But I am not mad at all that I went, or even that it went badly.
I've said that this time is all about adventures and fun and living a life that challenges and changes me.
I said yes to something that I never did before.
I survived an unbelievably uncomfortable situation that was making my skin crawl.
I learned more about myself and what I want.
I was reminded of my self-worth because I know I deserve so much more than dates that go like this.
I was not completely turned off from future dating endeavors.
I got a ridiculous story out of this. So if nothing else, it was good for that. Here's to a future of more dates and more fun and more ridiculous stories. Ain't it fun.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Oh, It Will Be Fun
So, I talked about what started this new adventure. If you missed it, you can view it here Now, let me tell you what kind of things I want to do.
1. Take a self-defense class
Because I just really want to know how to properly kick someone's butt if I need to.
2. Learn to cook
Because honestly, I barely know how to boil water. I bought Cooking Basics for Dummies because I can't afford cooking classes yet. ($15 over $70, come on, it was a no brainer)
3. Hike local places
Because Georgia is full of beautiful places and I want to make it my home and I want to explore.
(Like these places, Atlanta's Best Hiking Trails )
4. Hike the Grand Canyon
Because of "How to be Single", just watch it.. you'll get it.
5. Learn to ride a bike
Because I've always wanted to and I never learned as a kid
6. Learn Spanish
Because it's the second most spoken language in the world.
7. Go to a wine tasting
Because what else is the epitome of classy adulthood than going to a classy wine tasting?
8. Finish unfinished art
Because I love to start artistic projects and then never finish them
9. Get another tattoo
Because I'm limiting myself here... I want like 9.
10. Go skydiving
Because what else is the epitome of overcoming fear and living life on the edge?
11.Write and publish an Ebook
Because it's the baby steps to publishing a real life book.
12. Learn calligraphy
Because HAVE YOU SEEN ETSY?!
13. Go to Comic Con
...... Because, obviously, I'm a nerd.
14.Watch IMDb's top 250 movies
Because culture, man.
15. Read, A LOT
Because I own over 200 books and have barely made a dent in reading them.
16. Visit a lighthouse
Honestly, this one is in memory of my mom.
17. Travel internationally alone
Because I want to explore by myself.
18. Write letters to my future self
I honestly don't know why I want to do this... I just saw it on a suggested list and figured I'd try it.
19. Start taking art classes again
Because I love art and I miss it and I work in an arts and crafts store, I need to put that to good use.
20. Start doing yoga
Because yoga fascinates me.
21. Learn makeup techniques
Because makeup is an art form that I wish to master.
22. Go on a road trip
Because driving, good playlists, crappy food, and friends... what could be better?
23.Do a photo shoot
Because photo shoots are fun and remind yourself how beautiful you are.
24. Take steps towards my nonprofit, Re
Because dreams take practical steps for them to become true.
25. Read the whole Bible
Because I have read so much of it but there is still so much to learn.
So why do I want to do any of this? Why now? Because it's about time. There is so much living to be done. So much that for one reason or another, I have either ignored or put to the side for "later". But before I know it, later has come and gone. I have this one chance to be exactly where I am. With no significant other to think about. With no kids to take care of first. I have this time to do amazing things and it's about time that I take that opportunity. I want to do and learn so much in this time like learning:
-To be happy
-To be adventurous
-To be courageous
-To be holy
-To be loving
-To expand horizons
-To be focused
-To follow through
-To be independent
-To be strong
-To be healthy
-To love the heck out of this life
-To be satisfied
-To reach out
-To look within
-To simplify
-To be vibrant
To live this one life, to love it and make it fun. There is so much living to be done in the days to come.
1. Take a self-defense class
Because I just really want to know how to properly kick someone's butt if I need to.
2. Learn to cook
Because honestly, I barely know how to boil water. I bought Cooking Basics for Dummies because I can't afford cooking classes yet. ($15 over $70, come on, it was a no brainer)
3. Hike local places
Because Georgia is full of beautiful places and I want to make it my home and I want to explore.
(Like these places, Atlanta's Best Hiking Trails )
4. Hike the Grand Canyon
Because of "How to be Single", just watch it.. you'll get it.
5. Learn to ride a bike
Because I've always wanted to and I never learned as a kid
6. Learn Spanish
Because it's the second most spoken language in the world.
7. Go to a wine tasting
Because what else is the epitome of classy adulthood than going to a classy wine tasting?
8. Finish unfinished art
Because I love to start artistic projects and then never finish them
9. Get another tattoo
Because I'm limiting myself here... I want like 9.
10. Go skydiving
Because what else is the epitome of overcoming fear and living life on the edge?
11.Write and publish an Ebook
Because it's the baby steps to publishing a real life book.
12. Learn calligraphy
Because HAVE YOU SEEN ETSY?!
13. Go to Comic Con
...... Because, obviously, I'm a nerd.
14.Watch IMDb's top 250 movies
Because culture, man.
15. Read, A LOT
Because I own over 200 books and have barely made a dent in reading them.
16. Visit a lighthouse
Honestly, this one is in memory of my mom.
17. Travel internationally alone
Because I want to explore by myself.
18. Write letters to my future self
I honestly don't know why I want to do this... I just saw it on a suggested list and figured I'd try it.
19. Start taking art classes again
Because I love art and I miss it and I work in an arts and crafts store, I need to put that to good use.
20. Start doing yoga
Because yoga fascinates me.
21. Learn makeup techniques
Because makeup is an art form that I wish to master.
22. Go on a road trip
Because driving, good playlists, crappy food, and friends... what could be better?
23.Do a photo shoot
Because photo shoots are fun and remind yourself how beautiful you are.
24. Take steps towards my nonprofit, Re
Because dreams take practical steps for them to become true.
25. Read the whole Bible
Because I have read so much of it but there is still so much to learn.
So why do I want to do any of this? Why now? Because it's about time. There is so much living to be done. So much that for one reason or another, I have either ignored or put to the side for "later". But before I know it, later has come and gone. I have this one chance to be exactly where I am. With no significant other to think about. With no kids to take care of first. I have this time to do amazing things and it's about time that I take that opportunity. I want to do and learn so much in this time like learning:
-To be happy
-To be adventurous
-To be courageous
-To be holy
-To be loving
-To expand horizons
-To be focused
-To follow through
-To be independent
-To be strong
-To be healthy
-To love the heck out of this life
-To be satisfied
-To reach out
-To look within
-To simplify
-To be vibrant
To live this one life, to love it and make it fun. There is so much living to be done in the days to come.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Ain't It Fun, A Debut
Welcome, to a new blog. A different blog for a different time. Don't worry, I'll still write on my other one but a different feel, different time, different story to tell, has called for a different blog. So, introducing... Ain't It Fun.
Now to the story of the birth of this new blog:
I graduated college. By the skin of my teeth and with a lot of struggles, but I did it. YAY ME!
And then post-college life started.....
No one really tells you this because they're all so focused on the getting you graduated part, but the transition to post-college life is hard. You may not be getting married the week after graduation. You may not get the greatest entry level job before you even order your cap and gown. You may not be able to afford your own apartment on a part-time retail job.
Here's the truth:
IT. FREAKING. SUCKS.
Now, maybe it also sucks for the newlyweds who both got their start off dream jobs and the perfect cute apartment before graduation even happened....
but that's not where I am, so I can't speak for them, but I can speak for myself.
A lot of things happened in college, specifically my last year of college. A lot of hurts, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of things that I wish that I could change. But so is life, and I'm here in the aftermath of all of that. I'm not kidding when I say that I think that for two months, I cried until 4 am every night.
I was broken, and lonely, and grieving, and stuck, and so many things.
I did a lot to try to fix that, and none of it worked.
I binged Grey's Anatomy (also fed into the crying til 4am thing), cried until 4 am, I drank, I got a Tinder and an OKCupid and a Plenty of Fish, I applied to jobs out of the whazoo, I worked, I slept, I ate, and I cried randomly at 2pm. (I've done a lot of crying).
One night, I was hanging out with friends and I had a bit too much to drink... and by a bit, I mean way too much. I don't even know how it got there. One moment it was all fun and laughter and lots of pizza and the next moment it was sobbing and shaking and one of my friends making an attempt to calm me down.
And it wasn't about anything petty or small. I was sobbing about important things, things that I thought I had previously dealt with, but apparently I was wrong.
I spent the next morning in a fog, Partially because, well, I was hungover. And partially because I didn't know where to go from there. I thought I was done with those issues. I thought I was moving on. I thought I was better, but clearly not.
So, I decided that some things had to change from where they were. I knew my attitude had to change. I knew some actions had to change. I knew circumstances had to change. I mustered up the courage to change the things I could. I spent some time the day after the emotional fog thinking about the course of action I could take.
The main thing I did: Made a giant monologue about the way I wanted to live my life. It was filled with gusto and passion and plans for the future.
Other things I did:
1. Listened to Ain't It Fun by Paramore over and over again because it accurately represented the way I had been feeling about the post-college life. (Thanks, Anna Gonzalez for reminding me about such a great song.) (Also, in case you couldn't guess, that song inspired the title of this blog)
2. Broke up with my Tinder guy. I had been talking to this guy on Tinder for two months. He was sweet and kind, and dare I say, perfect. But, I couldn't distinguish if my feelings for him were out of loneliness or because I actually liked him as a person. I knew that wasn't fair to him. I also knew that if things were going to actually change in my near future, I couldn't do so while attempting to figure out a relationship (whatever that relationship was going to look like) with someone new. It was with a lot of regret that I broke things off with him, but he graciously replied that he thought I was making a wise decision, that he wished me all the best, and that he wanted to hear where I ended up. His reply was so perfect that for two seconds afterward, I thought, "NEVERMIND, COME BACK. JUST KIDDING, I'M OK". But I knew it was something that I had to do, no matter how much it sucked.
3. Made a list of all the things that I wanted to do and who I wanted to become (which will be featured in another blog post).
4. Watched "How to Be Single" more than four times within a period of two days. Seriously, I love the journey of those characters and where I am in life made it extremely relatable. (I'm actually watching it right now as I edit posts).
5. Decided that I was no longer going to be someone who waited for life to happen to them but decided that I was going to take charge of the life I wanted to live, regardless of the actions of others.
And so comes about Ain't It Fun, a blog that will talk about the adventures that I will go about in this new phase of life and about this new person I'm trying to become. A blog about trying to make the most out of a transitional and unsettling phase of life. A blog about the parts of this life that aren't fun in the slightest but I'm trying to make it fun and about the moments that are genuinely fun. A blog about the path of life that I'm trying to travel to reach who I desire to be. So, welcome to a new adventure, I hope it's fun.
Now to the story of the birth of this new blog:
I graduated college. By the skin of my teeth and with a lot of struggles, but I did it. YAY ME!
And then post-college life started.....
No one really tells you this because they're all so focused on the getting you graduated part, but the transition to post-college life is hard. You may not be getting married the week after graduation. You may not get the greatest entry level job before you even order your cap and gown. You may not be able to afford your own apartment on a part-time retail job.
Here's the truth:
IT. FREAKING. SUCKS.
Now, maybe it also sucks for the newlyweds who both got their start off dream jobs and the perfect cute apartment before graduation even happened....
but that's not where I am, so I can't speak for them, but I can speak for myself.
A lot of things happened in college, specifically my last year of college. A lot of hurts, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of things that I wish that I could change. But so is life, and I'm here in the aftermath of all of that. I'm not kidding when I say that I think that for two months, I cried until 4 am every night.
I was broken, and lonely, and grieving, and stuck, and so many things.
I did a lot to try to fix that, and none of it worked.
I binged Grey's Anatomy (also fed into the crying til 4am thing), cried until 4 am, I drank, I got a Tinder and an OKCupid and a Plenty of Fish, I applied to jobs out of the whazoo, I worked, I slept, I ate, and I cried randomly at 2pm. (I've done a lot of crying).
One night, I was hanging out with friends and I had a bit too much to drink... and by a bit, I mean way too much. I don't even know how it got there. One moment it was all fun and laughter and lots of pizza and the next moment it was sobbing and shaking and one of my friends making an attempt to calm me down.
And it wasn't about anything petty or small. I was sobbing about important things, things that I thought I had previously dealt with, but apparently I was wrong.
I spent the next morning in a fog, Partially because, well, I was hungover. And partially because I didn't know where to go from there. I thought I was done with those issues. I thought I was moving on. I thought I was better, but clearly not.
So, I decided that some things had to change from where they were. I knew my attitude had to change. I knew some actions had to change. I knew circumstances had to change. I mustered up the courage to change the things I could. I spent some time the day after the emotional fog thinking about the course of action I could take.
The main thing I did: Made a giant monologue about the way I wanted to live my life. It was filled with gusto and passion and plans for the future.
Other things I did:
1. Listened to Ain't It Fun by Paramore over and over again because it accurately represented the way I had been feeling about the post-college life. (Thanks, Anna Gonzalez for reminding me about such a great song.) (Also, in case you couldn't guess, that song inspired the title of this blog)
2. Broke up with my Tinder guy. I had been talking to this guy on Tinder for two months. He was sweet and kind, and dare I say, perfect. But, I couldn't distinguish if my feelings for him were out of loneliness or because I actually liked him as a person. I knew that wasn't fair to him. I also knew that if things were going to actually change in my near future, I couldn't do so while attempting to figure out a relationship (whatever that relationship was going to look like) with someone new. It was with a lot of regret that I broke things off with him, but he graciously replied that he thought I was making a wise decision, that he wished me all the best, and that he wanted to hear where I ended up. His reply was so perfect that for two seconds afterward, I thought, "NEVERMIND, COME BACK. JUST KIDDING, I'M OK". But I knew it was something that I had to do, no matter how much it sucked.
3. Made a list of all the things that I wanted to do and who I wanted to become (which will be featured in another blog post).
4. Watched "How to Be Single" more than four times within a period of two days. Seriously, I love the journey of those characters and where I am in life made it extremely relatable. (I'm actually watching it right now as I edit posts).
5. Decided that I was no longer going to be someone who waited for life to happen to them but decided that I was going to take charge of the life I wanted to live, regardless of the actions of others.
And so comes about Ain't It Fun, a blog that will talk about the adventures that I will go about in this new phase of life and about this new person I'm trying to become. A blog about trying to make the most out of a transitional and unsettling phase of life. A blog about the parts of this life that aren't fun in the slightest but I'm trying to make it fun and about the moments that are genuinely fun. A blog about the path of life that I'm trying to travel to reach who I desire to be. So, welcome to a new adventure, I hope it's fun.
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